To be or not to be that is the question the pain I experience on a day to day is unreal, I mean you would think I'm being punished! No one every told me the aging process would be like this, I'm only 41 yet my body feels 61 walking is hard, and painful, to be real I'm kinda scared, I dont know what tomoorow will bring or what else will slide down the loop before it all over,, I remember living day to day without aliments, pains and worrying about what's wrong with me, when now all I think about is what's going on inside of me, yes I am very concerned, but scared to go to the doctor for them to look on the inside. Feeling they may tell me something I dont want to know or not ready to hear, so I sit. Life is precious in its own rite but our choices somehow creates situations we must overcome in order to be victorous we mush endure through ALL the pain, setback, turmoil and inner issues and struggles. I'm at the point of saying it is what it is, what will be will be how much control over our life do we really have?
I believe none we must pay the debts of yesterday, what our parents did we pay for them, the choices they made in their life indirectly influerences us . The things my mom did in her life shows up in nonconfimed ways, and guess what I must deal with it. It's sad, its not my fault why must I go through all this mess because of what my parents did, when I look back over my life, I ask myself what have I did in 41 years to be proud and really thankful for... NOTHING outside the birth of my children and my husband, I have NOTHING to rant and rave about, out side of these trials, pains and mental anguish over the wrong choices I made in my life. I had NO direction and givin very lil tools to work with, something I think life isnt fair, it just isnt.
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